In high school Friday nights were spent watching my brothers. Football was a tradition passed down from Uncles & cousins. One that my brothers were proud to continue. Reid has always been a bigger child. This has prompted many conversations from school coaches, friends & family. "Is he going to play football?" He had the size but lacked the desire to play. This summer he went to his school football camp. And loved it. I was very happy he chose to play a sport & make that commitment. I was a little worried though. He's never played. Football can be dangerous. And....he's an Aspie.
There, I said it. It did run through my mind. How could it not? I was more concerned about that than an injury. Crazy, I know. Would the coaches understand? Would the players? Would he like after it got difficult? The summer camp was no picnic but it was also no contact. What would happened when he put pads on? And had to hit someone. And they hit him? I never told him these things, of course. I prayed. A lot. Talked to my brothers & hubby. And waited. Turns out, it's been the BEST thing for him.
It's given him a purpose. He's up early for school, he's doing ALL of his homework. Sure, mostly to avoid "do rights" but it's working. He loves it. And he's pretty darn good. I think football in Texas gets negative press sometimes. Are there crazy parents that take it WAY too seriously? Yes, but you have that in every sport. Are there coaches that take it way too seriously? Yes, but again, you can see that anywhere. I'm choosing to see the positive side. And there are SO many great things about football. Here's a few.
1. Exercise- Hours of practice in the Texas sun with pads on.
2. Team work- I'm sure not everyone likes everyone on the team. But that's real life. And you still have to work together. That's invaluable for a young man that thinks he's the center of the universe.
3. Friends- There are over 100 boys on our freshman teams. They have spent & will spend hours, days & weeks with each other. Getting their butts kicked, winning, losing & getting hurt. They are friends when it counts. Brothers even. They can pick on each other, or call each other names. But you cannot.
4. Accountability- You can't miss practice. You can't miss school. Sure, if you're REALLY sick, you can. But it's great when your kid is having a morning when they just don't want to go. And not get out of bed. They have coaches, teachers & friends expecting them to show up. Also, there's 20 other kids that can play your position, waiting for you to not show up one day.
5. I know where he is- And who he's with. He's at practice. Or home doing homework. Or eating. Or sleeping. Or at the other games watching the JV or Varsity. With his teammates. And at lunch, he sits with other players. And I know their parents because we sit at the games together.
6. He belongs to something- He found somewhere he fits in. To any kid that's invaluable. To MY kid it's...amazing. Awesome. Just a beautiful thing.
7. He's too tired to get in trouble.- He's 14 & has a little more freedom. I keep an eye on him but I'm not stupid. I was young once & I had brothers. There's ALL kinds of trouble for boys that age. But between practice, games & school he's worn out.
8. Mentors- There are some amazing upperclassman at his school. The same boys that helped with Rowan's room are setting a wonderful example for Reid. We hear so many stories about kids at school getting in trouble. We don't hear enough about young men like this!
9. Coaches- These men are doing something right. They get hundreds of boys to show up to something every day, on time? To practice & play with all their hearts. I'm sure they want to win. But let's be honest, that's a whole lot of work to just say you won a few games. They're investing time in our sons.
10. Sacrifice- Such a great thing for an Aspie, or any young man, to learn. These boys sacrifice their time, their ego's & themselves every day. They also sacrifice their testosterone & leave it on the field.
There are so many more but I won't bore you. Texas football is many things. It's Friday nights with a thousand of your closest friends. It's respect for everyone that is investing in your kids. It's the band. For me it's all of those things & more. Reid is happy to be a part of something. I would be writing about band or art the same way if that's what he chose. But he chose football. And I think it chose him a little too.
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Monday, August 19, 2013
Back to school
Back to school is always a transition. When you have an Aspie kid, or any other special needs kiddo I think it's more than that. School is hard for these kids. Between sensory overload, peer issues & anxiety it's usually not a great 1st week for us or them. A new school, new schedule & new teachers add more variables. Variables are kryptonite for these kids. Here are a few tips to help everyone get off to a great start!
PARENTS:
Start your child on their new schedule a week or more out.
Tour their new school. During registration, orientation or call the school & ask for a tour. We've done this & it's a GREAT thing!! It takes away a ton of 1st day anxiety when the kids know where to go the 1st day.
Expect 1st day issues. Wake up in plenty of time to handle the multiple tantrums/meltdowns you know are coming.
Preparing clothes & lunches the night before helps YOU the next morning.
I send a letter/email to the teachers. Usually before if I know who they are. I send a picture of Reid, describe his issues & what they mean/look like. It also includes our contact info & a little encouragement. We are a team & I like them to know that I expect the best out of Reid & so should they. I always include that having the combination of Tourette's & Asperger creates a unique set of issues. *I especially include his new tic info. A sub once thought he was making a noise for entertainment purposes & he got in trouble.
If a uniform, new shoes or clothes are involved we wear them 2 weeks before school starts off & on throughout the day to get used to them. You Momma's that have kids with sensory issues, this is a life saver!!! Tags, sock lines, new shoes, jeans, shorts & itchy clothes are NOT a thing to introduce the morning of. Ask me how I know that. #1stgrade1stdaynightmares
If your kid is riding the bus call the bus depot. I've always been met with the most caring people willing to help. They need to know your child's issues as well. They'll have your kid at least 20 minutes if not more a day. Sitting at the front or providing a buddy are just some of the things they can do. I haven't talked to a bus driver yet that wasn't happy I included them. *If you can't get a hold of someone before school, passing a note to them the morning of with a small gift is a GREAT idea too!!
TEACHERS:
Before school starts do a little research on Aspergers & other special needs children. Pinterest has a TON of ideas on classrooms tips & tricks. I'm also including some helpful links below.
I'm sure you can see these kids coming the 1st day. They're the ones with the clasped hands, looking like a bomb will explode any minute. Fidgeting uncontrollably. Their tics might include throat clearing, coughing, sniffling, exaggerated arm or head movements. These are all exacerbated when stress is high. And their stress IS high. Introducing yourself & offering a kind smile & a little encouragement will work wonders.
Share the small successes with us & your student. In elementary school Reid had a particularly great day. I can remember his teacher running to the car with tears streaming down her face SO proud. She had every right to be proud. She had gone above & beyond what a teacher should to work with him. I'm grateful to this day for her.
Most Aspies are visual learners. One teacher put Reid's schedule on his desk in pictures. Saved our life. And his sanity.
If you see an Aspie staring off into space, don't assume they're not listening. Most Aspies do not make eye contact or even visual contact with who they're listening to.
Be aware of sensory issues. Reid sat right by a clock one time & couldn't concentrate because the ticking was so loud. The teacher moved the clock. Super easy. On the other end of that spectrum, sometimes Aspies tap a pencil, their foot or drum on a table to get the overload of anxiety out. One teacher allowed Reid to stand up & move freely for a few minutes.
Transitions are rough for these kids. Reid was given 2 minutes at the end of class to prepare for the next class. Quietly. The teacher tapped him on the shoulder lightly, their signal that it was time for him to put his books away, look at his schedule & begin transitioning for the next class.
Here are a few more ideas. We can't be perfect. But these tips & tricks help provide a great base for all of us to begin. The more we know the more we can all be on the same page. The same team. Prayers for a great school year!!
http://www.wrongplanet.net/article412.html
http://www.myaspergerschild.com/2011/09/parents-letter-to-teachers-assisting.html
http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/2011/01/writing-introductory-letter-for-your.html
http://www.suelarkey.com/Tip_Sheets.php
http://www.wikihow.com/Go-Back-to-School-With-Someone-with-Asperger's
PARENTS:
Start your child on their new schedule a week or more out.
Tour their new school. During registration, orientation or call the school & ask for a tour. We've done this & it's a GREAT thing!! It takes away a ton of 1st day anxiety when the kids know where to go the 1st day.
Expect 1st day issues. Wake up in plenty of time to handle the multiple tantrums/meltdowns you know are coming.
Preparing clothes & lunches the night before helps YOU the next morning.
I send a letter/email to the teachers. Usually before if I know who they are. I send a picture of Reid, describe his issues & what they mean/look like. It also includes our contact info & a little encouragement. We are a team & I like them to know that I expect the best out of Reid & so should they. I always include that having the combination of Tourette's & Asperger creates a unique set of issues. *I especially include his new tic info. A sub once thought he was making a noise for entertainment purposes & he got in trouble.
If a uniform, new shoes or clothes are involved we wear them 2 weeks before school starts off & on throughout the day to get used to them. You Momma's that have kids with sensory issues, this is a life saver!!! Tags, sock lines, new shoes, jeans, shorts & itchy clothes are NOT a thing to introduce the morning of. Ask me how I know that. #1stgrade1stdaynightmares
If your kid is riding the bus call the bus depot. I've always been met with the most caring people willing to help. They need to know your child's issues as well. They'll have your kid at least 20 minutes if not more a day. Sitting at the front or providing a buddy are just some of the things they can do. I haven't talked to a bus driver yet that wasn't happy I included them. *If you can't get a hold of someone before school, passing a note to them the morning of with a small gift is a GREAT idea too!!
TEACHERS:
Before school starts do a little research on Aspergers & other special needs children. Pinterest has a TON of ideas on classrooms tips & tricks. I'm also including some helpful links below.
I'm sure you can see these kids coming the 1st day. They're the ones with the clasped hands, looking like a bomb will explode any minute. Fidgeting uncontrollably. Their tics might include throat clearing, coughing, sniffling, exaggerated arm or head movements. These are all exacerbated when stress is high. And their stress IS high. Introducing yourself & offering a kind smile & a little encouragement will work wonders.
Share the small successes with us & your student. In elementary school Reid had a particularly great day. I can remember his teacher running to the car with tears streaming down her face SO proud. She had every right to be proud. She had gone above & beyond what a teacher should to work with him. I'm grateful to this day for her.
Most Aspies are visual learners. One teacher put Reid's schedule on his desk in pictures. Saved our life. And his sanity.
If you see an Aspie staring off into space, don't assume they're not listening. Most Aspies do not make eye contact or even visual contact with who they're listening to.
Be aware of sensory issues. Reid sat right by a clock one time & couldn't concentrate because the ticking was so loud. The teacher moved the clock. Super easy. On the other end of that spectrum, sometimes Aspies tap a pencil, their foot or drum on a table to get the overload of anxiety out. One teacher allowed Reid to stand up & move freely for a few minutes.
Transitions are rough for these kids. Reid was given 2 minutes at the end of class to prepare for the next class. Quietly. The teacher tapped him on the shoulder lightly, their signal that it was time for him to put his books away, look at his schedule & begin transitioning for the next class.
Here are a few more ideas. We can't be perfect. But these tips & tricks help provide a great base for all of us to begin. The more we know the more we can all be on the same page. The same team. Prayers for a great school year!!
http://www.wrongplanet.net/article412.html
http://www.myaspergerschild.com/2011/09/parents-letter-to-teachers-assisting.html
http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/2011/01/writing-introductory-letter-for-your.html
http://www.suelarkey.com/Tip_Sheets.php
http://www.wikihow.com/Go-Back-to-School-With-Someone-with-Asperger's
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Grades
I've learned so much about grades during parenthood. I've been so proud of a 65 you'd think I was crazy. Because that 65 was earned! Through tears at the table & admissions of feeling stupid for not getting it. I've also been so very proud of the all A's that come so easy to one of my children. Lately though I've been worried about grades. It's hard to watch your kid struggle & fail. Especially when you hear the reasons. Which are valid. But school is over & it doesn't matter anymore. Now it's a lesson. To speak up. Ask for help. To communicate.
We're trying to help Reid be his OWN advocate. Not because I will stop. But because ultimately it's his responsibility. I'm not in his class, he is. I'm not in his head, he is. So if he doesn't understand something, he needs to ask. Even if he feels stupid. Even if it looks like everyone else gets it. Even if it means working after school or before. That's a hard lesson for anyone. But you can't get help if you never ask.
I think teachers need to ask certain questions to the kids that are known to have disabilities. Communication works both ways. Is the student just being lazy or did they not understand what you were saying? I get it. Teachers hear a MILLION excuses & they can't chase down every kid, every day. But did you look in their file? Are there accommodations? Did you apply them? Did you ask the student if they understood? Maybe if you asked a few questions the student would feel comfortable coming to you. And you could BOTH figure it out. Together. Try reading up on the disability your student has. What you think you know about Aspergers & Tourettes can be different than what you actually do know.
I've learned valuable lessons myself too. Reid isn't a typical student. I know that BUT sometimes I need a reminder. Sometimes I'm TOO hard on him. I try so hard to not let him use his Aspergers & Tourettes as an excuse that I forget he actually has a disability. And he DOES need help. Crazy, I know. I want him to adapt but the truth is he is 14.
Here are some great resources to help:
http://www.aspieinfo.com/teacher%20tips.html (for teachers)
http://www.myaspergerschild.com/2011/05/helping-aspergers-students-transition.html (everyone)
http://www.yourlittleprofessor.com/teen.html (parent)
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health-and-fitness/health/conditions/navigating-high-school-with-aspergers/article572681/ (everyone)
We're trying to help Reid be his OWN advocate. Not because I will stop. But because ultimately it's his responsibility. I'm not in his class, he is. I'm not in his head, he is. So if he doesn't understand something, he needs to ask. Even if he feels stupid. Even if it looks like everyone else gets it. Even if it means working after school or before. That's a hard lesson for anyone. But you can't get help if you never ask.
I think teachers need to ask certain questions to the kids that are known to have disabilities. Communication works both ways. Is the student just being lazy or did they not understand what you were saying? I get it. Teachers hear a MILLION excuses & they can't chase down every kid, every day. But did you look in their file? Are there accommodations? Did you apply them? Did you ask the student if they understood? Maybe if you asked a few questions the student would feel comfortable coming to you. And you could BOTH figure it out. Together. Try reading up on the disability your student has. What you think you know about Aspergers & Tourettes can be different than what you actually do know.
I've learned valuable lessons myself too. Reid isn't a typical student. I know that BUT sometimes I need a reminder. Sometimes I'm TOO hard on him. I try so hard to not let him use his Aspergers & Tourettes as an excuse that I forget he actually has a disability. And he DOES need help. Crazy, I know. I want him to adapt but the truth is he is 14.
Here are some great resources to help:
http://www.aspieinfo.com/teacher%20tips.html (for teachers)
http://www.myaspergerschild.com/2011/05/helping-aspergers-students-transition.html (everyone)
http://www.yourlittleprofessor.com/teen.html (parent)
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health-and-fitness/health/conditions/navigating-high-school-with-aspergers/article572681/ (everyone)
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Compromise
Recently it seems that I've forgotten what it's like to negotiate. Mainly because for a little while normal Aspie tactics were working their magic. Phrases developed by Aspie gurus used to diffuse the most upcoming volatile situations were doing exactly what they were supposed to. Then, they weren't. "This subject is closed" was defeated by "Who says it's closed? Why does it need to be closed?" "Let's agree to disagree" was sucker punched in the face by "I don't want to agree to that. I disagree & that would be a lie." Basically, my son is older, wiser & is not falling for this stuff anymore. So after yet another question on why everyone around him "doesn't get it" we had a talk that ended in tears for both of us. I said "I'm going to be blunt. Do you want friends? Is getting your way more important than being nice to your friends or your brothers? Being "right" all the time doesn't mean you're winning anything. What did you win? Son, you beat the dead horse, revive it, then beat it again to the detriment of everyone around you. Including you. People. Can't. Stand. That. I understand that these things are important to YOU but that doesn't mean they're important to us." (Did I mention this coup de gras was over a video game? There is a time for standing up for your beliefs ..& it's not over a world on minecraft.) #trytellingthattoanaspie
Ok, I may have yelled in in exasperation. I may have been fed up & screamed it at him. With tears streaming down his face "It's important to me." Aspie's have this soul crushing issue w/ being "right" & discussing why you're wrong. For. Ever. And. Ever. They are right. Because it's how they feel. And. You. Are. Wrong. Because you don't feel the same way. Because you're thinking is wrong. They cannot see it any other way. But he HAS TO SEE, has to LEARN, that other people see things differently. Because in the real world your boss, your friends, your teachers will not see everything your way. You could possibly be right..but still someone may see it ANOTHER way. A different way. Not better. Just different. It's so hard for me to sit back & watch him fail at this concept. Because I know what people are thinking when he does this. They think he's a jerk. They think he's selfish. And he's not. All the time. But those are not the 1st words I see when I look at him. I see the young man that prays, the young man that packed me a snack the other day for a trip in case there was nothing gluten free, the boy that does try as hard as he can everyday. And then tries again & again the day after. Never giving up.
Aspergers is tricky. Sometimes it stays back & progress is made. Other times it rears its ugly head in the worst moments possible. And stays. And takes the progress made & crushes it. This is when I get the most mad. I take it personal. Because he has worked hard. So I researched, read more & we're trying new things. Please don't get me wrong. I LOVE Reid's brain, his quirky thinking & his way of relating to the universe. What I don't like is the aftermath of an Aspie tornado. I do not expect Reid to change, I know that is impossible. But what we've always tried to do is help him "fake it til he makes it" & fit in to social situations by teaching him what Aspergers takes away. Social cues. Because while he knows he's "not normal" he likes his friends & wants to belong. Somewhere. So we're learning compromise. Reid understands this only because BOTH sides give up something. Not just him. So technically you're not losing, or wrong..you've simply compromised.
Below is a great article about Aspergers & is followed by a letter from an older Aspie. I loved the peek into his brain:
http://www.myaspergerschild.com/2010/10/coping-with-adult-aspergers.html
And something funny as well:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SiQtKWkIt5o
We love Sheldon Copper!!!!
Ok, I may have yelled in in exasperation. I may have been fed up & screamed it at him. With tears streaming down his face "It's important to me." Aspie's have this soul crushing issue w/ being "right" & discussing why you're wrong. For. Ever. And. Ever. They are right. Because it's how they feel. And. You. Are. Wrong. Because you don't feel the same way. Because you're thinking is wrong. They cannot see it any other way. But he HAS TO SEE, has to LEARN, that other people see things differently. Because in the real world your boss, your friends, your teachers will not see everything your way. You could possibly be right..but still someone may see it ANOTHER way. A different way. Not better. Just different. It's so hard for me to sit back & watch him fail at this concept. Because I know what people are thinking when he does this. They think he's a jerk. They think he's selfish. And he's not. All the time. But those are not the 1st words I see when I look at him. I see the young man that prays, the young man that packed me a snack the other day for a trip in case there was nothing gluten free, the boy that does try as hard as he can everyday. And then tries again & again the day after. Never giving up.
Aspergers is tricky. Sometimes it stays back & progress is made. Other times it rears its ugly head in the worst moments possible. And stays. And takes the progress made & crushes it. This is when I get the most mad. I take it personal. Because he has worked hard. So I researched, read more & we're trying new things. Please don't get me wrong. I LOVE Reid's brain, his quirky thinking & his way of relating to the universe. What I don't like is the aftermath of an Aspie tornado. I do not expect Reid to change, I know that is impossible. But what we've always tried to do is help him "fake it til he makes it" & fit in to social situations by teaching him what Aspergers takes away. Social cues. Because while he knows he's "not normal" he likes his friends & wants to belong. Somewhere. So we're learning compromise. Reid understands this only because BOTH sides give up something. Not just him. So technically you're not losing, or wrong..you've simply compromised.
Below is a great article about Aspergers & is followed by a letter from an older Aspie. I loved the peek into his brain:
http://www.myaspergerschild.com/2010/10/coping-with-adult-aspergers.html
And something funny as well:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SiQtKWkIt5o
We love Sheldon Copper!!!!
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Labels
Sometimes labels are used as a mean way to describe something or someone. And once given, that person is forever stuck with a permanent reminder of their mistakes. Cheater. Thief. Addict. And sometimes they're the opposite. Sweet. Loyal. Friendly. And most importantly, sometimes, they save your life. Diabetic. Epileptic. Several years ago when we began this journey with Reid I searched for his label. Confused by all the strange symptoms, nothing fit. I wanted to know the cause. The root of his issues. Because to me, until I found out WHY I wouldn't know HOW to help him. When I dove head first into the Asperger world everything fit. Perfectly. I was not ashamed to put this label on him. To me it was what he had, not what had him. If you take Asperger's away Reid is a million more things. He is not just my son. He is a brother, friend, a young man.
Not wanting him to be ashamed, we started using Asperger's to describe his personality & his idiosyncrasies. I accidentally became a spokesperson for reform at schools & spoke in front of huge groups & to a state Senator. Not because I wanted to, trust me. I have stage fright to the 9 millionth degree. I did it because I was telling my son not to be ashamed. So I spoke up for him & those like him. Also, there wasn't any information about it then. I had to order books, read, research & find my way. His way. Our way. So I wore that label like a badge of honor because I wanted him to as well.
Today, with Autism growing at an alarming rate, I believe this is an important label. It lets people know that your child is different. There is no need to be ashamed of your child or their beautiful brain. Some of the most famous people are Asperger's. If anything, they should be proud. So should you. Your son or daughter has a unique way of viewing the world. They see things in a way we cannot. As a group Aspie's are responsible for changing the face of music, science, math & entertainment. (Check this out http://www.disabled-world.com/artman/publish/article_2086.shtml)
It also helps teachers, friends, family & the community relate to your child. Often seen as insensitive, one sided, rude or inflexible it provides an instant explanation for their strange personality. When Reid was younger I carried cards with me that explained Asperger's. It helped me remain calm while receiving unsolicited advice from lovely people that thought my parenting could use some work. (Because don't we all need that when our child is in the middle of an epic tantrum? Like I had no idea that it's odd for a SEVEN yr old to come unglued because the store offered a sale on a specific item & they ran out. And now the store is a liar, I'm a liar & the universe is conspiring against him. And he's demanding to talk to the manager. Over $5.00.)
I understand some people cringe at labels. Hoping to avoid their child or themselves being put into some category, forever pigeonholed. I disagree. From the amount of emails, phone calls & texts I get weekly, Aspie's are no small group. The child already knows they are different. From experience, everyone else does too. This is not something you can hide. So why try? Early diagnosis is critical. Not only does it start therapy early but it retrains bad habits early. Teaching a 7 yr old to not hit, swear or react inappropriately is way easier than teaching a 12 or 13 yr old. And when they get older, it's not only looked at as a bad choice, it's illegal. That opens a whole other world of issues. By then it's a habit. A learned response to a situation. Also, you get support. From other people that have the EXACT issues that you have. And that is awesome. But mostly, and I can never say this enough..it shows your child that you are not ashamed of them.
Here are some interesting sites :
http://www.templegrandin.com/
http://www.johnrobison.com/about-john.php
http://www.aspergerssyndromeparent.com/famous-people-with-aspergers.html
http://www.yourlittleprofessor.com/benefits.html
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7030731/ns/business/t/mild-autismhas-selective-advantages/
http://redvinesandredwine.com/?p=50
Not wanting him to be ashamed, we started using Asperger's to describe his personality & his idiosyncrasies. I accidentally became a spokesperson for reform at schools & spoke in front of huge groups & to a state Senator. Not because I wanted to, trust me. I have stage fright to the 9 millionth degree. I did it because I was telling my son not to be ashamed. So I spoke up for him & those like him. Also, there wasn't any information about it then. I had to order books, read, research & find my way. His way. Our way. So I wore that label like a badge of honor because I wanted him to as well.
Today, with Autism growing at an alarming rate, I believe this is an important label. It lets people know that your child is different. There is no need to be ashamed of your child or their beautiful brain. Some of the most famous people are Asperger's. If anything, they should be proud. So should you. Your son or daughter has a unique way of viewing the world. They see things in a way we cannot. As a group Aspie's are responsible for changing the face of music, science, math & entertainment. (Check this out http://www.disabled-world.com/artman/publish/article_2086.shtml)
It also helps teachers, friends, family & the community relate to your child. Often seen as insensitive, one sided, rude or inflexible it provides an instant explanation for their strange personality. When Reid was younger I carried cards with me that explained Asperger's. It helped me remain calm while receiving unsolicited advice from lovely people that thought my parenting could use some work. (Because don't we all need that when our child is in the middle of an epic tantrum? Like I had no idea that it's odd for a SEVEN yr old to come unglued because the store offered a sale on a specific item & they ran out. And now the store is a liar, I'm a liar & the universe is conspiring against him. And he's demanding to talk to the manager. Over $5.00.)
I understand some people cringe at labels. Hoping to avoid their child or themselves being put into some category, forever pigeonholed. I disagree. From the amount of emails, phone calls & texts I get weekly, Aspie's are no small group. The child already knows they are different. From experience, everyone else does too. This is not something you can hide. So why try? Early diagnosis is critical. Not only does it start therapy early but it retrains bad habits early. Teaching a 7 yr old to not hit, swear or react inappropriately is way easier than teaching a 12 or 13 yr old. And when they get older, it's not only looked at as a bad choice, it's illegal. That opens a whole other world of issues. By then it's a habit. A learned response to a situation. Also, you get support. From other people that have the EXACT issues that you have. And that is awesome. But mostly, and I can never say this enough..it shows your child that you are not ashamed of them.
Here are some interesting sites :
http://www.templegrandin.com/
http://www.johnrobison.com/about-john.php
http://www.aspergerssyndromeparent.com/famous-people-with-aspergers.html
http://www.yourlittleprofessor.com/benefits.html
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7030731/ns/business/t/mild-autismhas-selective-advantages/
http://redvinesandredwine.com/?p=50
Monday, December 17, 2012
"He had Asperger's"
I stated hearing that phrase soon after the confirmed body count of the CT school shooting. I pushed it away because it didn't matter at the time. It's just a fact about the shooter. I've heard it 30 times just this morning watching GMA. An already misunderstood cluster of issues associated w/ Autism, Asperger's now is taking on a new tone. Recently dropped from the DSM 5 (Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) by the American Psychiatric Association's (APA), it's more confusing than ever to know what it is.
My son likes guns. He can look at a gun from 10 feet away & tell you what it is, where it was made, how it was made & anything else you'd like to know. His favorite subject in school is History. Where his vast knowledge of tanks, war, generals & countries helps him earn an A in that class. As avid hunters our family has taught every child in the family how to treat guns. Reid treats all guns with respect. Pointed down at all times, safety on. Asperger's does NOT make him more likely to use a gun to injure anyone. In fact it makes him more likely to talk your ear off for an hour about why a certain spring could cause an issue with...blah, blah, blah. Asperger's creates a narrow field of interest for Aspie's. It was golf when he was younger. and to a certain point, still is. But history is where his heart lies. Guns are a huge part of history. I've tried to steer him away from it. Mostly because of tragic things like Columbine & now CT. But why should I? Reid's dream is to work for the FBI & put away anyone that would use a gun to harm someone else. Typical of Aspie's he thinks he should start now, learn everything. And so he has. His concrete mind sees laws as black & white. He reminds me all the time"The speed limit is 65, not 67. You're going to get a ticket. You're breaking the law."
Now to address the violence issue. Reid is a big child. He might look intimidating if you don't know him. But when you do, you would know his odd gait & weak upper body make it easy to push him down. When wrestling his friends do this over & over again while he laughs. 2 years ago while riding the bus home 4 boys started picking on Reid. Literally unable to fight back, A- because he cannot fight; B- because fighting is against the rules, he sat there while he was punched, hit in the face & even spit on. Violent? The very next day he instantly forgave all the boys & has even forgotten about it. I haven't.
Asperger's does not equal violent. It is not a mental disorder, it's actually a neurobiological disorder. There is no fix for it. No medication. There are classes & therapy. Certain meds can help w/ common issues, like anxiety. But there is no cure for Asperger's. I've seen a lot of bantering about Asperger's in the last 3 days. More than ever. I pray that people educate themselves. I pray that my son doesn't hear "Psycho, mental illness, crazy" & think that you are talking about him. I pray that you talk to your children about it & teach them that Asperger's is not bad. He's already seen a few things & came to me confused. "Do people think I could do that? Just because I have Asperger's?" The same boy that sat by his younger brother's bed this summer, not leaving, crying, praying. Begging God to let him take Rowan's place. "I hope not.' was all I could say.
Here are a few places to look for quick explanations about Asperger's:
http://www.aspergersyndrome.org/
http://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/asperger-syndrome
http://www.aspennj.org/aspergers-syndrome.asp
http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/brain/asperger.html
My son likes guns. He can look at a gun from 10 feet away & tell you what it is, where it was made, how it was made & anything else you'd like to know. His favorite subject in school is History. Where his vast knowledge of tanks, war, generals & countries helps him earn an A in that class. As avid hunters our family has taught every child in the family how to treat guns. Reid treats all guns with respect. Pointed down at all times, safety on. Asperger's does NOT make him more likely to use a gun to injure anyone. In fact it makes him more likely to talk your ear off for an hour about why a certain spring could cause an issue with...blah, blah, blah. Asperger's creates a narrow field of interest for Aspie's. It was golf when he was younger. and to a certain point, still is. But history is where his heart lies. Guns are a huge part of history. I've tried to steer him away from it. Mostly because of tragic things like Columbine & now CT. But why should I? Reid's dream is to work for the FBI & put away anyone that would use a gun to harm someone else. Typical of Aspie's he thinks he should start now, learn everything. And so he has. His concrete mind sees laws as black & white. He reminds me all the time"The speed limit is 65, not 67. You're going to get a ticket. You're breaking the law."
Now to address the violence issue. Reid is a big child. He might look intimidating if you don't know him. But when you do, you would know his odd gait & weak upper body make it easy to push him down. When wrestling his friends do this over & over again while he laughs. 2 years ago while riding the bus home 4 boys started picking on Reid. Literally unable to fight back, A- because he cannot fight; B- because fighting is against the rules, he sat there while he was punched, hit in the face & even spit on. Violent? The very next day he instantly forgave all the boys & has even forgotten about it. I haven't.
Asperger's does not equal violent. It is not a mental disorder, it's actually a neurobiological disorder. There is no fix for it. No medication. There are classes & therapy. Certain meds can help w/ common issues, like anxiety. But there is no cure for Asperger's. I've seen a lot of bantering about Asperger's in the last 3 days. More than ever. I pray that people educate themselves. I pray that my son doesn't hear "Psycho, mental illness, crazy" & think that you are talking about him. I pray that you talk to your children about it & teach them that Asperger's is not bad. He's already seen a few things & came to me confused. "Do people think I could do that? Just because I have Asperger's?" The same boy that sat by his younger brother's bed this summer, not leaving, crying, praying. Begging God to let him take Rowan's place. "I hope not.' was all I could say.
Here are a few places to look for quick explanations about Asperger's:
http://www.aspergersyndrome.org/
http://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/asperger-syndrome
http://www.aspennj.org/aspergers-syndrome.asp
http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/brain/asperger.html
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Siblings of Aspie's
Being the sibling of an Aspie is a tough road. They are put on the back burner often while we deal w/ tantrums, fixations, getting in the car etc. I will never forget the day Reagan made a small statement that knocked the air out of me. I almost cried on the spot. We were dealing w/ another Aspie crisis & I asked if he minded going to another place to eat because Reid can't stand the smell of this place. Reagan had been looking forward to his choice. He raised his beautiful face & said "It's OK Mommy, I knew it wasn't going to happen anyway. I can go another time." He already knew he wasn't going & was used to it. OOPS! Huge parental fail. And he was only 4. I looked at Reid & said "We're going where Reagan wants, it's his turn."
Later I was forced to confront my issues. Reagan did give in a lot because he is so easy going. But I was WRONG to allow it so often. Just because he will doesn't mean he should be the family pushover. From then on no matter what, everyone got their turn. It wasn't easy or fun. Some Aspie's, like Reid, have a sensory issues. Just the smell of a certain place could send Reid into a downward spiral.( I know some of you are thinking why didn't we NOT go anywhere? All I can say is we tried that too..& I don't recommend it.) Siblings get the brunt of their brother or sisters bad behavior, bad moods, tantrums, fixations in one way or the other. They have to listen to it in the car, at home, dinner. If you're not getting any quiet time or peace..guess who else isn't?
So, here is a list of things to help.
Allow the sibling to spend time w/ other family members. They need spoiling & quiet!!
Have a date w/ just that sibling. They get their choice..bonus..you both get a nice, relaxing dinner or lunch.
Teach them the same phrases you use to combat misbehavior from the Aspie. For example "That wasn't nice. A better way to say that is ___." "That topic is closed." "You can be mad but not mean." etc
Make sure they know their sibling has an issue. I can't tell you how many times I've seen families not explain Asperger's to the siblings. This is a must. They need to know there's a reason for this strange behavior.
Foster the relationship between the siblings. Make them a team. One day they will only have each other. There are tons of activities that will help in this area.
Make sure the Aspie sibling isn't the one always giving in. Whether it's a game, a colored cup or movie choices. The need to be validated.
It's HARD to be an Aspie sibling. Schedule family therapy for them if needed. If you're stressed & the Aspie is also..guess who else may be?
When they deal w/ the sibling appropriately..reward them. It doesn't need to be big or expensive. Praise is awesome.
Later I was forced to confront my issues. Reagan did give in a lot because he is so easy going. But I was WRONG to allow it so often. Just because he will doesn't mean he should be the family pushover. From then on no matter what, everyone got their turn. It wasn't easy or fun. Some Aspie's, like Reid, have a sensory issues. Just the smell of a certain place could send Reid into a downward spiral.( I know some of you are thinking why didn't we NOT go anywhere? All I can say is we tried that too..& I don't recommend it.) Siblings get the brunt of their brother or sisters bad behavior, bad moods, tantrums, fixations in one way or the other. They have to listen to it in the car, at home, dinner. If you're not getting any quiet time or peace..guess who else isn't?
So, here is a list of things to help.
Allow the sibling to spend time w/ other family members. They need spoiling & quiet!!
Have a date w/ just that sibling. They get their choice..bonus..you both get a nice, relaxing dinner or lunch.
Teach them the same phrases you use to combat misbehavior from the Aspie. For example "That wasn't nice. A better way to say that is ___." "That topic is closed." "You can be mad but not mean." etc
Make sure they know their sibling has an issue. I can't tell you how many times I've seen families not explain Asperger's to the siblings. This is a must. They need to know there's a reason for this strange behavior.
Foster the relationship between the siblings. Make them a team. One day they will only have each other. There are tons of activities that will help in this area.
Make sure the Aspie sibling isn't the one always giving in. Whether it's a game, a colored cup or movie choices. The need to be validated.
It's HARD to be an Aspie sibling. Schedule family therapy for them if needed. If you're stressed & the Aspie is also..guess who else may be?
When they deal w/ the sibling appropriately..reward them. It doesn't need to be big or expensive. Praise is awesome.
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