Being the sibling of an Aspie is a tough road. They are put on the back burner often while we deal w/ tantrums, fixations, getting in the car etc. I will never forget the day Reagan made a small statement that knocked the air out of me. I almost cried on the spot. We were dealing w/ another Aspie crisis & I asked if he minded going to another place to eat because Reid can't stand the smell of this place. Reagan had been looking forward to his choice. He raised his beautiful face & said "It's OK Mommy, I knew it wasn't going to happen anyway. I can go another time." He already knew he wasn't going & was used to it. OOPS! Huge parental fail. And he was only 4. I looked at Reid & said "We're going where Reagan wants, it's his turn."
Later I was forced to confront my issues. Reagan did give in a lot because he is so easy going. But I was WRONG to allow it so often. Just because he will doesn't mean he should be the family pushover. From then on no matter what, everyone got their turn. It wasn't easy or fun. Some Aspie's, like Reid, have a sensory issues. Just the smell of a certain place could send Reid into a downward spiral.( I know some of you are thinking why didn't we NOT go anywhere? All I can say is we tried that too..& I don't recommend it.) Siblings get the brunt of their brother or sisters bad behavior, bad moods, tantrums, fixations in one way or the other. They have to listen to it in the car, at home, dinner. If you're not getting any quiet time or peace..guess who else isn't?
So, here is a list of things to help.
Allow the sibling to spend time w/ other family members. They need spoiling & quiet!!
Have a date w/ just that sibling. They get their choice..bonus..you both get a nice, relaxing dinner or lunch.
Teach them the same phrases you use to combat misbehavior from the Aspie. For example "That wasn't nice. A better way to say that is ___." "That topic is closed." "You can be mad but not mean." etc
Make sure they know their sibling has an issue. I can't tell you how many times I've seen families not explain Asperger's to the siblings. This is a must. They need to know there's a reason for this strange behavior.
Foster the relationship between the siblings. Make them a team. One day they will only have each other. There are tons of activities that will help in this area.
Make sure the Aspie sibling isn't the one always giving in. Whether it's a game, a colored cup or movie choices. The need to be validated.
It's HARD to be an Aspie sibling. Schedule family therapy for them if needed. If you're stressed & the Aspie is also..guess who else may be?
When they deal w/ the sibling appropriately..reward them. It doesn't need to be big or expensive. Praise is awesome.
